I have taken speed, and uppers to get high, but they left the gang fighting to talk a keeping us up all night, so these drugs were not long-lived. I got high on mescaline, acid and magic mushrooms, but found the hallucinogenic drugs way took too much control out of my hands and they scared me. I have smoked grass and hash to get high, but the weed gave me a paranoid high and the hash put me to sleep. I have inhaled rush, poppers and sniffed nail polish remover to get high until I found out how much these chemicals killed your brain cells that were irreplaceable and stopped. Then came cocaine and it was just right. I felt better, stronger, and smarter when I took cocaine and there were no hallucinations. I felt like I was in control of myself at all times. Of course I was not in control of anything about myself and the more cocaine I took the more I spiraled out of control, but I felt so damn good.
At first I could get a free hit any where from just about every pusher, so it never quite felt like I was hooked or a junkie although I did find myself kind of looking at other people when they did it hoping they would offer me a hit. The day did finally come when I asked one of the pushers if I could have a hit and they told me that the price of a 1/4 gram was called a $20 piece, going up to $35 pieces $50 pieces and 6 – 1/4 grams sold for $100, but once you asked there was no more free snorts let alone pieces. I was now officially a cocaine taker and I bought cocaine every chance I got. I shared with others and they shared with me. The only time I did not take cocaine was when I was sleeping, or when I was working.
They say that you do not know you are a junkie until you can not afford your high, but I have never been unable to
afford cocaine. I knew I was a junkie when I could not stop thinking about it. I knew I was a junkie when I tried to quit taking cocaine. I would have to pass the metro stop where I had gotten off in the past to buy my cocaine and the closer I got to that stop I would go into craving and my system would begin the anticipation symptoms. It was all I could do to stay on the train the craving got so bad. I knew I was a junkie when I began to not be able to party without it. I knew I was a junkie when I didn’t feel confident without it. I knew I was a junkie when the doctor told me that I had a thyroid condition and that taking cocaine could kill me and I got mad. I even told a friend that if I had to give up everything I enjoyed what was the point of living and continued to take cocaine.
I had crossed the line and so did almost every adult in my community. This drug had no gender prejudice no age requirement. In fact chances were that if you were living in my neighborhood, you were doing cocaine in one of its forms. At one time everyone I knew was either selling it or doing it or both. Mothers and fathers were selling it to their children. Mothers and fathers were doing it with their children. It ripped families apart and destroyed my community and that was all before crack cocaine came to be.
When I took my first hit of the pipe I threw up. The 10 second high. Crack the drug that turned men into boys. We used to say, “crack killed Apple Jack, but satisfaction brought him back.” People who used to love each other fought each other for a piece of the rock. Crack junkies stole from their mothers and family. While doing crack there was no eating, no sleeping, no talking, no sex, just smoking the crack. So many lives down the toilette and still we smoked. The only thing that saved me was that smoking crack made me ill and I did not think throwing up was a great way to enjoy a buzz.
Breaking the snorting habit took nearly 8 years of on and off the wagon. When I finally was able to walk away and stay away it was because it gave me a sick stomach. All of the dealers had changed the cut and I was allergic to it. I have never looked back and I can honestly say I do not miss it. I have squandered so much money, time, quality of life because of my addiction to cocaine and know of friends and loved ones who are still there claiming the rock is better than sex.
Yes cocaine was my drug of choice and for a while my whole life. I have always had money for it, but I was a junkie all the same. I have reclaimed my life, but heed my warning I am the exception rather than the rule.