What a weekend. I came home Friday from work and my computer was a mess. Everything was working poorly and it was down to a crawl. Everything I did to fix it did not work and my anxiety over it was growing with every attempt to fix it that failed. I finally decided to do the only thing that I could think of and do a partial fix of the hard drive. Those of you who have had to do this know what a drag this is. Well there I was computer down, blind, deaf and mute; cut off from my friends, family and fellow bloggers. What was I going to do? I nursed and babied my computer as long as I could, putting in most of the updates programs and security before finally drifting off to sleep in my chair, waking up with a stiff neck and going to bed totally drained. I drifted off to sleep with the satisfaction of knowing I had saved the life of my best friend and know matter how tired it had made me it was worth it and I would not have had it any other way.
Saturday I jumped up and noticed that my friend had a relapse during the night. The screen saver was not up and running and my security was going crazy and was asking me to reboot the computer. I had put the security on last and instead of first and it was demanding that I start over with a total formatting of the hard drive. I started the process and knew it was going to be a long day. About two hours had gone by when I realized that I had not eaten anything since lunch the previous day and that I was really hungry so I drug myself away and grabbed a quick sandwich. I noticed that I was not my regular self and was a bit on the moody side snapping at people. Nothing seemed to taste right, or sit well with me. I was at a total loss of what to do with my day.
It was at this point that I realized that I had not done anything sociable since August and had not talked to friends in months. I only made time for my blogger friends. I shrugged of the thought creeping up in the back of my mind and paced like a wounded bear waiting for the computer to become fully operational again. It took forever, my security was checking out every program, every update and nothing was getting a free pass and the day dragged on. Around noon I took an aspirin for a headache that appeared out of no where and put on a sweater for the chills I was feeling and it was then that I realized that the feeling I was getting was like that of a junkie going cold turkey. I now knew what everyone had been saying for months was true. All of the signs had been there but I had refused to admit or acknowledge them.
Ignoring of friends and love ones
Living only to write, chat and exchange ideas on the net
Not knowing what to do when it went down
Staying up with it like it was a real living thing
It did get fixed and now I am fixing myself. I did not clean myself up from drug addiction, alcoholism and a life in the street; reconnect with my family and love ones to lose them again to the computer. I realized that I had 5 websites on the go and was spending 90% of home time on the computer. Like any other drug or addiction I did not even see it coming. I told myself that I just liked to write, but it had become my new drug and I was totally hooked and dependent on it to get me through the day. I laughed at first and told myself it could not be, but alas it is. For all of those like me who have family and friends telling you that you are spending a little too much time on the computer and it is causing arguments; think about it they could be right they were when it came to me.