Facebook certainly gets the blame for a lot of things these days, the latest being the increase in the divorce rate. It would appear that the honeymoon is over between Facebook and its users. As more and more people get connected, jealousy, opportunity, puppy love and old insecurities are raising their ugly heads and the inevitable is happening; people who would have never spoke again since their separation are now finding that long ago lost love and in some cases and for different reasons are trying to relive the past.
Most of the time it is the secret conversations of what could have been and the what if we had just stayed together that gets the current husband, or wife angry. The admissions by one party, or another, or both that the love never died, or that their marriage is in trouble that draws these ex-puppy lovers to start consoling each other and triggers the suspicions in the spouse and then the jealousy kicks in and then the divorce happens. There is a reason most couples who break up do not usually keep in touch and one is jealousy and the other is hurt Breaking up is never easy and usually requires space and time just to be able forgive and to be able to move on.
Jealousy is forever present even in those perfect marriages and relationships where it seems that it isn’t. Break ups are very rarely mutually agreed upon and someone almost always wishes it never happened and the new girlfriend, or boyfriend senses this and moves to block any chance of reconciliation with either distance, extracting a promise not to have contact( the getting rid of old phone numbers, pictures and in some extreme cases leaving town). No one wants the ghosts of a relationships past in their relationship and this is what Facebook has unwittingly provided; easy access to the past and it is creating a whole new dimension to cheating, marital stress and eventually divorce.
Time has away of making us all forget why we left the other person in the first place and giving us the illusion that maybe we were a bit hasty in our decision to let the other person go. If his, or her mate stole the love of your life from you 10 – 20 years ago a once jilted lover may see this as an opportunity to get some sweet revenge, or their man, or woman back, but no matter what the reason your current love or spouse is not going to like it, this I can guarantee it.
Through Facebook old flames that were once thought extinguished, but were really just lying dormant can be searched for and found, rekindled and explored on the internet at a safe distance as long as everyone is careful and of course cheaters, liars and people seeking to cause trouble never are. Like committing a crime and thinking that no one saw you is just dumb. In this day and age some one is always watching and so too on Facebook. I mean it is the I tell you something and in turn you pass in on capital of the world. There are no secrets on Facebook and anything you do not want shared with the world at large including your spouse should never be put on Facebook or any other such community chat group.
When I was 15 years old I knew I was in love with a girl and everyone said it was puppy love. We got pregnant, she was forced to have an abortion that went wrong leaving her barren. Our parents forced us to stop seeing each other and we could not seem to get by what had happened. I went on to have children, get married and divorced and remarried again for 18 years and she moved on as well, or so I thought until one day I looked in my e-mail and there it was and invitation to be friends on Facebook from a girl I had not seen or talked to in over 30 plus years.
I was curious to know all that had happened to her in the time that had passed, I had heard so many rumors and gossip. I knew that I loved my wife, but still in the back of my head a voice was whispering, “I wonder if she still cares?” I accepted her friendship and we chatted about my children grandchildren and all the small talk that people do when reacquainting themselves with each other. She told me she had never fallen in love again and that she had never gotten over me and would I like to have coffee, or a drink, or something. I told her no that I was happily married man and that friendship was all I had to offer. The conversations of coffee ended and although we are still Facebook friends except for happy birthday and merry Christmas we never talk. Friendship was not all she was looking for and I realized that and set things straight and so the problem resolved itself. Many try to take advantage and have it both ways and this is where their problems begin.
We had this conversation in private messaging and so it was kept between us and private, but so many people do not know how to properly use the internet and so they end up exposing themselves to all of the people in their chat community and by their multiple associations to the whole internet. Unlike a phone call the internet does not hang up on its own and sever the connection and all record of the conversation. Places like Facebook leave a hard copy of all your interactions to be used by a jilted lover, or a person meaning to do you personal harm. I feel that sometimes the past is best left there and once you move on you should leave well enough alone.
I do not blame Facebook, I blame the weak people using Facebook for the increase in divorce statistics. Cheaters will cheat whether it is on Facebook, or somewhere else. Some cheaters are more savvy than others no matter what the forum. Facebook may put you back in touch, but Facebook does not force you to do any touching. As I found out, the choice to cheat, or not is entirely in your hands and yours alone. Chances are if a divorce happened because you reconnected with a lost love than you were never really over it in the 1st place and maybe you were really not in love with your current spouse. Maybe divorce was in the near future anyway. One thing is clear in my head though, Facebook is not to blame you cheaters are.
- Does Facebook Fuel Divorce? (huffingtonpost.com)