When Adults Forget That Their Anger Frightens Little Children

I know that there is nothing worth losing this feeling of love and trust that Liam has for me. I will have to find other ways to make him mind his elders that do not scare him.

Another Grandpa And Liam Love Story

I write this article a bit disgusted with myself, a bit guilty and very sorry. I was with my grandson yesterday whose name is Liam and lost my temper.  Liam is only 2 years old and is displaying all of the rambunctiousness of the terrible twos and a very spoilt little boy. Our day started simple enough with a pick-up from daycare with his mom, my daughter pictured above with me and Liam.  I guess the events of his behaviour two days earlier must have been at the back of my mind, because usually he does not get under my skin. He had been hitting other children in his class and tried to grab and eat an apple off the owner of the day care’s desk without permission and got very mad when I made him put it back.  Liam then refused to get dressed and became such a problem, that I had to pick him up without his coat, tuck him under mine and bring him to the car.  Liam was so angry with me that he did not talk to me all of the way to my house, or even say good-bye when I got out of the car.  I was a little hurt, but more angry that nobody seemed to think that there was anything wrong with his behaviour and that somehow being bad, or rude was cute.  By now you all know how this kind of behaviour would have been dealt with in my house back in the day by my mother, but alas I was proud of myself for not reverting back to those days and holding my temper and leaving it up to my daughter to deal with.  So I just kissed him on his forehead and said my goodbyes.

So when the next day found my daughter and I trying to get the little guy dressed and he was not cooperating again, I started to see red.  Liam bounded for the change room, backed himself into the corner and said the forbidden word over and over again; Liam said no to his mom and to me when we asked him to come out and get dressed.  I could not believe my ears my cute little grandson was waving his hands, lying on the floor and getting ready to have a temper tantrum and everyone was telling him how he needed to be a good boy and let mommy dress him.  Then he gave her a good slap and said no again to which she replied that if he was not so cute he would be in big trouble, but for me he already was.  As you can see my daughter is very much pregnant and Liam was mad enough to kick her and this could not be allowed to happen.

I was about to dress him myself when he recognised the mood and asked to be sat on the bench to be dressed by his mom, avoiding my wrath and the possibility of me dressing him roughly.  I think Liam and I both sighed with relief at the same time.  I needed some things from Super C, so off we went worried that Liam would not behave, but to our surprise Liam was helpful wanting to help push the cart and help put things in the cart. When we got to the cash he was so charming with the cashier that she ran and found him some Halloween candy gave him stickers to put on and raved about how well-behaved and polite he was.  As we entered the house Liam’s attitude took a change for the worst he demanded toys to play with and changed the channel on the tv.  We ignored this and he settled down to watch cartoons and crayon on a piece of paper.  As it rounded 4 pm and it was time for him to go he refused to put on his coat and we were all starting to lose our patience, him with us and us adults with him.

I reached out grabbing him and forced him to put on his coat and shoes as he was told, but the look on his little face and the fright in his eyes told me that I had done something wrong. I had forgotten my size and his size and now my grandson of 2 years old was crying and very much afraid of me and that was not what I had wanted.  I scooped him up in my arms and began trying to comfort him, telling him I was sorry and that I loved him.  Through his crying he was saying that he loved me too. I told him that he had to listen to his mommy and grandpa when he was told to do something and that he should try to be a good boy.  Liam stopped crying and he quietly waited for his mother to dress herself and take him for his pictures at Wal-Mart.

Goodbyes were said at the door and they went over to their car where I could see that he was once again giving his mother a hard time about getting into his car seat and I knew what the problem was.  Liam wanted to help his mother put the bags into the trunk before getting into the car.  Liam was just being a two-year old little kid and I had forgotten the promises I had made to myself concerning child raising and allowed myself to lose my temper.  Nothing was gained in the long run.  Liam will have to learn to listen for his own good and safety, but we will find a softer way.

Trying authority is how children learn boundaries and if we are to keep them safe and they are to get along with the rest of society they must learn to be a part of society and follow some basic rules of courtesy and safety.  I have always said that parents and adults hit or get rough with children when they can not find the words to get children to do as the wish. I allowed myself to forget that Liam is so much smaller than I and realised that I must have looked like a very scary monster approaching him in that manner.  I also allowed myself to forget momentarily that there is nothing worth having that little boy afraid of me.  Liam has a mind of his own and I realised that  yesterday.  I will have to find another way to get him to mind his elders, because it is important if he is to succeed in life, but I want him to love me and not be afraid of me; I also want him to understand why he must do things and not just follow blindly, because a person in charge of him says so. We all know the dangers awaiting children these days from unscrupulous adults who would take advantage of youngsters who follow every command that an adult gives without question, or without understanding why?  I did not hurt Liam physically, but I scared him and remembering something my mother once said I know that this will never happen again.

One day my niece was acting out and being rude and my mother who was not afraid to mete out corporal punishment was doing nothing about it except trying to talk to the bad child and I asked her,”Mom why are you just talking to her, in my day you would have given me a beating?” My mother replied, “Son I love you and I really thought I was doing right by you to teach you to mind your elders that way, but I was wrong.  You ended up leaving the house when you were just 14 years old; you quit school and joined a gang and did all kinds of bad things. As an adult you pimped, sold drugs, and committed all manner of crimes and ended up in jail, so tell me son, what did all of those beatings do for you?

Why Was This  Allowed To Happen To Me And Why Is It Still Going On Today

About  Archemdis By Archemdis

About archemdis

I try to say what is on my mind and not hurt others, but some things need to be said whether they hurt or not and I do just that. I try to listen as well as talk, but my opinion is just that mine. You need not take it as your own, just respect the fact that I am entitled to it, as you are yours. I do read all comments, but will only answer, or allow to be displayed those which adress me by name, refer to the post by name in the comment, or that have been sent through the proper channels. In this manner I can tell whether the comment was meant for me and that it is not just spam.
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4 Responses to When Adults Forget That Their Anger Frightens Little Children

  1. Chris says:

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  2. Manners should be educated as early as baby. If not it going to be “Mission Impossible” mission to rectify manner of kids.

    “I was a little hurt, but more angry that nobody seemed to think that there was anything wrong with his behaviour and that somehow being bad, or rude was cute.”
    I agree with your statement, and I have a same experience also. The society today doesn’t care about manner or behavior of our neighbor/family son or daughter. “Busy body” or “Mind your own business” mindset have bring a lot of disaster to society. People think that is their freedom or liberalism, which I think it was totally wrong.

    Right and wrong can not be together, for what ever causes. How to educate or how to teach that is our wisdom.


    • archemdis says:

      Manners are important, but we can not teach our children through fear either. I was wrong to frighten him and I will do more to hold my temper and treat him like the little person that he is.


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