Just Trying To Escape The Pain, The Hurt, The Fear And The Hopelessness


(Abused Children  Act Like Frightened Cornered Rats, Jumping And Biting All Of Society)

If we feed, educate and love our children and stop abusing them maybe we will not have to see this so often.

Child abuse is a personal thing and unless you have been through it you have no idea how painful, how damaging, or how great the impact is on children. You can study it in class, in workshops and get a degree from a university making you an expert on it, but you will never know truly the humiliation, the shame, the anger, or the constant fear of adults, that us abused children live with each and every moment; from the moment our abuse starts, until the day that we die.

Once a  child is abused their life is changed forever and when the abuse is stopped we become like recovering alcoholics, or drug addicts, living one day at a time, always remembering the abuse we suffered, always wondering what our motives are for doing things and always knowing that we can never forget it.  It is like having someone, or something you are deathly afraid of hiding in the furthest recesses of your brain whispering to you, making you afraid, making you second guess everything, every motive and every action you take. Once a child is abused there is no getting over it, there is no forgetting it; there is only living with it for the child, the teenager, the adult. For some it is easier than others to keep all that has been done to them submerged deep inside, but for none of us is it easy, or truly ever gone.

My biggest regret in all of the abuse that I suffered at the hands of so many adults, in so many ways is that all of those adults were never punished and except for sexually abusing children, or another person,  I became an abuser of people, especially women in just about every other way. I abused  everything else, alcohol and drugs, did crazy things and got punished by the law for every mistake that I made.  When I see governments playing politics with abuse and abusers I want to scream at them that this is no game we are getting hurt and in turn will hurt others, why can’t you see this, why won’t you stop playing games and do something to stop the hurting? None of the judges that I went before starting at the age of 12 years old showed the slightest interest in why I was acting out and committing crimes and all of the adults in my life wanted me put away where I could not harm anyone else, but others like me. They called me and my friends and children like us juvenile delinquents who had no respect for others, making us a danger to society and we were sent to juvenile detention centers where the abuse was continued. Sexual, verbal, physical and mental abuse were meted out every day.  Which abuse you suffered depended on where you were put, how susceptible you were to what and what the system figured it needed to do to break you.

Most of us were hurt by, angry at and afraid of every adult,  whether they abused us or not and we felt that all we had were each other.  The beatings, the berating and the forced sex was happening in every household in the community.  Not all of the abuse, not all at once in every household at the same time, but at least one of the child abuses happened in every house each and every day and through it all us children grouped together at first for support and survival and then for revenge and crime and then to do time in a never-ending cycle of abuse.  I have secretly thought of my younger years and my behaviour back then as that of a frightened rat, backed into a corner.  They make alley ways, or runways in buildings for rats, so that they can escape when frightened by approaching humans, looking for files and such in rooms in sub basements.  They do this because a frightened cornered rat will jump up to 5 feet, sometimes more to bite what it feels it is frightened of and trapped by.  I felt trapped and very much like that trapped rat backed into a corner with no way  out.  I tried to run away, but after being punished by the juvenile justice system  I was always sent back home, back to the school, back to the neighbourhood where I was being abused and threatened by the juvenile correction system that if  I did not do what I was told and respect the authority of the adults in charge of me I would be returning to juvenile detention until I was an adult. Abuse in juvenile detention, or abuse on the streets some choice for a child is it not? There was then in my time as there is now good people doing good work to help children of abuse, the ones we call problem children, but the abusers still out number the good and the volume of children needing help is just so great that even the good are being over whelmed and are finding it difficult to give these children the time and the energy needed to turn these children around and so the revolving door system continues and the frightened rats like me continue to jump in the face of everything that frightens us until we are finally poisoned, trapped, or killed.

The government has decided to wage war on us rats by getting tougher on us and locking us up for longer periods of time, instituting laws that make it mandatory for the courts to see children as adults and giving mandatory minimum sentences.  The government says that it is truly sorry and it understands that we have and are suffering greatly at the hands of adults, but although they sympathise with all that we have gone through and all that we will have to go through we must be punished and stopped. The argument given by politicians is that although they understand the suffering you the rat can not be allowed to commit crimes and in the end must be removed from society not to help you get better and get the help that you need, but to give society a break from your bad behavior.  Their logic seems to be it does not matter if it does not work and you come out a bigger criminal than you went in they will simply put you back in jail and keep doing so until you smarten up.  It did not work for me then and it will not work now.

Rats are also predatory creatures and will eat just about anything, are capable of getting into just about everything and everywhere.  We infest wealthy homes and poor.  The truth about rats is once we get a foothold and claim a territory we are territorial and  we are very destructive.  Do you know that where rats live there are no mice and do you know why that is?  The reason is that rats will seek and find every mouse nest and kill them.  I am not suggesting that all of us human rats will literally seek you out and kill you, but what I am suggesting is that we will destroy all that you hold so dear and that we will remain a constant reminder of your failure to right a wrong that has been inflicted on us until we became the frightened rats jumping at you, unable to run away and unable to escape.

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About archemdis

I try to say what is on my mind and not hurt others, but some things need to be said whether they hurt or not and I do just that. I try to listen as well as talk, but my opinion is just that mine. You need not take it as your own, just respect the fact that I am entitled to it, as you are yours. I do read all comments, but will only answer, or allow to be displayed those which adress me by name, refer to the post by name in the comment, or that have been sent through the proper channels. In this manner I can tell whether the comment was meant for me and that it is not just spam.
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2 Responses to Just Trying To Escape The Pain, The Hurt, The Fear And The Hopelessness

  1. Not enough humans consider the soul in us .Not enough consider eternity, and an eternal God that made it. . He is alive to Judge who will share eternity with him safely to maintain a peaceful environment. or not. The humans who are abusers God will know who they are by simply shining his light on them when that time comes. It is up to each individual to survive that light or not. woe unto them that do not survive for they will become dust forever.

    • archemdis says:

      You know I know. Too bad though, the world would be so much nicer if people just took the time to care and love.

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